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Let me start this thing out proper; “Avatar” is a movie you should see. If at all possible, you should see it in a theater equipped with the newfangled Digital 3-D and some laughably complex sound system. A great deal of love was invested in the production of this film, and it does deserve your $13 (or whatever) and 165 minutes. You will experience, for nearly three hours, visual feasts the likes of which you simply have not ever seen.
However, it is not a particularly good movie, and if you will permit me a moment I will explain why.
The inspirational speeches are neither inspirational nor, according to my lofty standards, speeches. I often found myself wondering why, with all the money they spent on absolutely everything else, they couldn’t have hired whomever wrote Bush’s second State of the Union to contribute some better lines.
The story is a decently-constructed one-sided criticism of corporatism and warfare. But every character we meet is disappointingly one-dimensional. Hey. See what I did there?
Despite being set in the distant future most of the people appear to be English-speaking Americans. I’m pretty sure this only bothers me because of how much I miss Firefly.
The Na’vi, transparent metaphors for Native Americans (or Iraqi citizens), exist in some kind of impossible Utpoia, embodied in the line spoken by the corporate executive; “We have nothing they need.” This seems to be an argument against all technological progress, which is a strange message to come from a man who invented 30 different technologies just to tell a story.
I could go on, but everything else is really just nitpicky examples of what I’ve already pointed out. Some points in the film are forehead-smackingly stupid, which can really suck you out of the experience.
An ironic twist: Sigourney Weaver, who played Lt. Ripley in James Cameron’s “Aliens,” makes an urgent plea for compassion toward a violent alien race in “Avatar.” Everyone remembers her line from “Aliens,” right?
“Take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
Ultimately, none of this stuff matters. “Avatar” is a force of nature and you would be doing yourself a favor if you went and saw it. Just don’t expect to feel like you did after watching “Braveheart” for the first time.
December 24th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Where did Paul's post go again? Did it grow legs and get tired of not making fart jokes? :(
December 24th, 2009 at 5:00 am
Well, his post disappeared because it was afraid of me. For some reason.
I don't know what he's talking about. I think this comic is sublime.
December 24th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I saw it twice. I had a lot of the reservations you did the first time, the second time… I forgot all them. They were replaced by these *spoilers*:
The best part of the movie you probably missed: Norm fucking around and doing wheelies in the wheelchair. I want a wheelchair for X-mas now.
Maybe it's just all the nerd movies she's in, but Sigourney Weaver still looks hot to me, even as a 11 foot tall blue creature. Or is that especially as a 11 foot tall creature?
Both times I saw the movie, when it got to a certain scene, I thought 'Sigourney Weaver should be Poison Ivy in the next Batman Movie. God knows she can't be worse than Uma.'
Isn't that the guy who played 'Steve the Pirate' in 'Dodgeball'? If so, is this like a reunion?
Best thought process: 'fuck oxygen, I need to shoot these fuckers…now I'm outta rounds… could put on my mask. WAIT! Almost forgot my side arm!' (badass!)
I want spinning helicopter lizards. Why hasn't genetics gotten to this? Fuck world hunger, peace, and population issues. If I'm going to be on my death bed because research was taken from finding a cure for my illness and instead put towards creating spinning helicopter lizards… I'd be happy. As long as I got one. Otherwise. Well… then it'd suck.
Damn, It's easy getting alcohol into the movies nowadays.
December 24th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I will say this about alcohol and movies: I the first time I saw "Spanglish," I was drunk off my ass and started writing an article about how Adam Sandler was an acting genius and the next revolution in creative filmmaking. The lesson here? Friends don't let friends drink and review.
Steve the Pirate was played by Alan Tudyk of "Firefly" fame and "Dollhouse" shame. He does not make an appearance in "Avatar."
Obviously, some of the bad-assery is truly bad-ass. I think the visual impact of the film increases the dramatic highlights even more, making them seem even bad-ass-ier.
But that doesn't change the fact that the writing is poor in some very, very conspicuous places.
December 25th, 2009 at 1:39 am
Me too, but not like the band sublime, they're more like sub-lemon, which is way more sour.
December 25th, 2009 at 7:02 am
I also miss Firefly and find that Sigourney Weaver seems to get hotter wih age. She was somehow hotter than Winona Ryder in 'Alien 4', thus providing the sole reason to watch 'Alien 4'. Well, that and Leland Orser killing that guy by headlocking him to his abdomen just in time to catch a skull-full of chestburster. Beautiful. Have I ever mentioned my enormous boner for the Alien films?
December 25th, 2009 at 8:16 am
I believe you have.
But maybe not in this space.
Also, Alien 4 had the baby thing getting sucked out a tiny hole in a spaceship by the beck of it's head. That is… yes.
December 25th, 2009 at 8:18 am
What is lower than a lemon?
Anything.
Anything you put under a lemon.
Thank you.
I'm here all week.
December 25th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I'll be seeing this "Avatar" movie at an iMax theatre later today. Christmas day. Glad i read this post first.
December 27th, 2009 at 6:19 am
I never got into Firefly. That being said, that one asshole looked similar to him. I know I SHOULD, but I have the same issue with buying the series as I do with buying the Nightmare Before Christmas, it gets more expensive every time I consider buying it. They price that shit like wine, the older it gets the more you pay. But I digress.
As for the drunk thing, it was more of a joke. I bought a mini Smirnoff (think hotel minibar) that was mixed with Black cherry or some shit. It tasted god awful and I chucked it (along with the other 3 I brought along). With my usual rants, alcohol seems the best excuse to use. As insanity doesn't usually hold water outside of the legal system.
Dammit, now I want to watch an Adam Sandler movie. Shit….