Torturing a guy in restraints? It was bound to happen. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahafartnoise!

So how about them rapists? Pretty good season so far…

Sorry. We watched “The Lovely Bones” the other day. First of all, don’t. Second, why do all Peter Jackson movies have to be

so  f u  c  k  i   n    g       s       l          o       w            ?

The running time is somewhere around 2:15, yet it feels longer. As if that were not enough to deter you, the whole movie felt like therapy for the families of victims of violent sexual crimes. Do you fall into that category? No? Maybe avoid this one.

Also, to all directors out there, in the middle of your tense drama, maybe don’t include the following montages:

1. One showing the murdered teen, who up until this point is holding herself in purgatory to be closer to her family in an effort to reach out and help them find her killer, now enjoying her own private little purgatory/heaven complete with Super Mario Galaxy style planetoids, butterfly costumes, puppies and fashion shoots. For real.

2. The wacky, bourbon-drinking grandma montage. Watching grandma douse a grease fire with the contents of a vase (including the flowers! She doesn’t know how to cook! So silly!) and then dance in the suds from an an overflowing washing machine (She doesn’t know how to do laundry! So silly!) are things that belong in an episode of a bad sitcom.

Also, the big payoff is a first kiss that never got to happen when the teen was alive. Awesome.