Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Elrond Hubbard, the scientist/explorer of our mischievous cabal.

So, it turns out our store has been malfunctioning lately. I hope to have it fixed by this weekend, so we can start the pre-order on our next shirt.

Don't be a pussy; this guy seems legit.

On dark

On less dark

Until the store is working properly again, just email me if you want to reserve your pre-order. We’ll figure something out.

I witnessed a pair of elderly women turned away from the DMV today because they lacked the proper documents to get a driver’s license. After the clerk patiently explained that they’d have to either wait for the papers in the mail or venture “downtown,” one of the two said “Oh, but the parking. It’s a nightmare down there.” I don’t know who that system was protecting in this particular circumstance. I mean, who’s identity is this woman going to steal? Florence Nightingale’s?

On second thought, that might have been it. I’m on to you, Grandma.

Begging a state employee to see reason is a fruitless endeavor, one I’ve had to endure myself recently. But we have to have these “physical document” systems in place, so our identities can only be stolen by people with computers and Internet access.

And I mean, who has that?