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Written by The Gremlin King   
Friday, 25 July 2008 16:41

If the site seems to feel a little different, it's not your imagination. We've switched over to Joomla 1.5.

Our goal is to not have this effect your Crooked Gremlins experience in any way. If it does, please don't hesitate to send This e-mail address is being protected from spambots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it an email. He has promised to keep on top of the situation.

Thanks, readers. Without you guys, well, we just wouldn't have all that much to do.

 
They Listened To Our Suggestion!
Daily Posts
Written by The Gremlin King   
Thursday, 24 July 2008 08:19

We've been in secret contact with our surface cohorts, the Muppets, ever since they went underground in 1981. Yes, they've had some moderate success with their incredibly successful movies, but we think this is the big break they've been waiting for: YouTube.

Patriotism

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Musical Talent

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Meet JustA11en
JustA11en
Written by JustA11en   
Tuesday, 22 July 2008 20:12

RIGHT WING NEO-CON FASCIST LEFT WING BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL COMMIE BASTARD SUPPORTED BY THE GAYS, AND JEWS, SHOULD GET A LIFE!

That's me.

According to some of the insightful comments, on my YouTube videos, I'm either the wolf in sheep's clothing, the sheep, or a loquacious inbred (lustfully eyeing the sheep).

I'm not sure which description I find more entertaining.

Read more... [Meet JustA11en]
 
The Liberal Media Refuses To Run McCain Editorial
Daily Posts
Written by The Gremlin King   
Tuesday, 22 July 2008 08:53

The New York Times, a bastion of liberal thought run amok, has refused to run an op-ed written by Senator John McCain, only a short time after Senator Barack Obama's "My Plan for Iraq" ran in the same paper.

This is clearly a case of the media favoring Senator Obama. It obviously has absolutely nothing to do with McCain's piece being an extended attack on Obama.

From the Drudge Report, here is the op-ed that McCain submitted and the NYT rejected:

In January 2007, when General David Petraeus took command in Iraq, he called the situation “hard” but not “hopeless.” Today, 18 months later, violence has fallen by up to 80% to the lowest levels in four years, and Sunni and Shiite terrorists are reeling from a string of defeats. The situation now is full of hope, but considerable hard work remains to consolidate our fragile gains.

Progress has been due primarily to an increase in the number of troops and a change in their strategy. I was an early advocate of the surge at a time when it had few supporters in Washington. Senator Barack Obama was an equally vocal opponent. "I am not persuaded that 20,000 additional troops in Iraq is going to solve the sectarian violence there,” he said on January 10, 2007. “In fact, I think it will do the reverse."

Now Senator Obama has been forced to acknowledge that “our troops have performed brilliantly in lowering the level of violence.” But he still denies that any political progress has resulted.

Perhaps he is unaware that the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad has recently certified that, as one news article put it, “Iraq has met all but three of 18 original benchmarks set by Congress last year to measure security, political and economic progress.” Even more heartening has been progress that’s not measured by the benchmarks. More than 90,000 Iraqis, many of them Sunnis who once fought against the government, have signed up as Sons of Iraq to fight against the terrorists. Nor do they measure Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki’s new-found willingness to crack down on Shiite extremists in Basra and Sadr City—actions that have done much to dispel suspicions of sectarianism.

The success of the surge has not changed Senator Obama’s determination to pull out all of our combat troops. All that has changed is his rationale. In a New York Times op-ed and a speech this week, he offered his “plan for Iraq” in advance of his first “fact finding” trip to that country in more than three years. It consisted of the same old proposal to pull all of our troops out within 16 months. In 2007 he wanted to withdraw because he thought the war was lost. If we had taken his advice, it would have been. Now he wants to withdraw because he thinks Iraqis no longer need our assistance.

To make this point, he mangles the evidence. He makes it sound as if Prime Minister Maliki has endorsed the Obama timetable, when all he has said is that he would like a plan for the eventual withdrawal of U.S. troops at some unspecified point in the future.

Senator Obama is also misleading on the Iraqi military's readiness. The Iraqi Army will be equipped and trained by the middle of next year, but this does not, as Senator Obama suggests, mean that they will then be ready to secure their country without a good deal of help. The Iraqi Air Force, for one, still lags behind, and no modern army can operate without air cover. The Iraqis are also still learning how to conduct planning, logistics, command and control, communications, and other complicated functions needed to support frontline troops.

No one favors a permanent U.S. presence, as Senator Obama charges. A partial withdrawal has already occurred with the departure of five “surge” brigades, and more withdrawals can take place as the security situation improves. As we draw down in Iraq, we can beef up our presence on other battlefields, such as Afghanistan, without fear of leaving a failed state behind. I have said that I expect to welcome home most of our troops from Iraq by the end of my first term in office, in 2013.

But I have also said that any draw-downs must be based on a realistic assessment of conditions on the ground, not on an artificial timetable crafted for domestic political reasons. This is the crux of my disagreement with Senator Obama.

Senator Obama has said that he would consult our commanders on the ground and Iraqi leaders, but he did no such thing before releasing his “plan for Iraq.” Perhaps that’s because he doesn’t want to hear what they have to say. During the course of eight visits to Iraq, I have heard many times from our troops what Major General Jeffrey Hammond, commander of coalition forces in Baghdad, recently said: that leaving based on a timetable would be “very dangerous.”

The danger is that extremists supported by Al Qaeda and Iran could stage a comeback, as they have in the past when we’ve had too few troops in Iraq. Senator Obama seems to have learned nothing from recent history. I find it ironic that he is emulating the worst mistake of the Bush administration by waving the “Mission Accomplished” banner prematurely.

I am also dismayed that he never talks about winning the war—only of ending it. But if we don’t win the war, our enemies will. A triumph for the terrorists would be a disaster for us. That is something I will not allow to happen as president. Instead I will continue implementing a proven counterinsurgency strategy not only in Iraq but also in Afghanistan with the goal of creating stable, secure, self-sustaining democratic allies.

After carefully reading and comparing the two pieces, it is quite clear that McCain's op-ed was ignored because the NYT is run by a bunch of liberals who want to shut down his campaign. But let's look at some numbers, just for fun:

Times McCain mentions Obama (negatively): 13

Times Obama mentions McCain (negatively): 3

So the editor of the op-ed section, David Shipley, doesn't want his paper turned into another place for the candidates to throw mud at each other. Is it any surprise that he allowed Obama's piece to run? McCain's column simply isn't well-written, nor does it provide any new or useful information.

The NYT is probably going to wind up running some version of the current piece, in order to avoid the appearance of impropriety. But the editor has a point: You can't just copy-and-paste a section of your "Obama sucks" message and expect the Paper of Record to run it.

 
The NBC Shuffle
Daily Posts
Written by The Gremlin King   
Monday, 21 July 2008 07:25

For anyone who's still actually watching Saturday Night Live, here's something that I guess could be considered exciting news: Jimmy Fallon is going to be the new host of "Late Night," which is currently hosted by Conan O'Brien, who will go on to host "The Tonight Show," which is currently hosted by Jay Leno, who will presumably move on to a career in softcore pornography.

Okay, that last bit isn't true, but the first two bits are. It's like everyone takes a step up, except for Leno, who I guess is being put on an ice floe despite being only 58. No, seriously, he'll be a free agent and everyone who works in late night comedy is scared for their jobs, but let's not focus on that right now.

We at the Lair would like to raise a few questions about NBC's choice to replace Conan O'Brien with a guy like Jimmy Fallon. Our problem with Jimmy, aside from his 6 year-old sounding moniker, is that he seems to be famous because one or two very powerful people like his style while everyone else just sort of suffers through him. Is that really who should take up the reigns for Mr. O'Brien, a man who is easily the funniest Irishman since Billy Connolly?

In order to prepare Jimmy for the public, and possibly the public for Jimmy, NBC is going to produce some 10 minute "websiodes" where they can work out the early show kinks before putting him on TV. This is a novel idea, but certainly not the revolution that some people are claiming it is. A lot of people have already been watching TV on the web. Let's not pretend that they're all going to be doing it for a chance to watch Jimmy Fallon work.

We think it's a great idea

As the head of the Gremlin Lair, I'd like to say that we all whole-heartedly endorse Jimmy's move out of SNL, allowing other people who are funny and don't look at the camera all the time to come in and do his job better.

Also, anything that puts that beautiful Conan O'Brien closer to center-stage is something that, we feel, should be opted for at any given opportunity.

 
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